These past three years (2017-present) have been a whirlwind of emotions and dealing with my inner demons. It has felt as if everything that could go wrong has, but I also know that I’ve made it through 100% of my bad days, knowing that better days are ahead has helped me keep going.

All of the negative feelings I’ve suppressed throughout the years have resurfaced in order for me to grow and move on. Insecurities regarding my physical appearance or my career not being where I need it to be have been the things I have been struggling with the most. I have always been insecure about the way I look, which is no different than any other girl. But I’ve always been able to deal with it because my career was always on the rise. These past few years my career has been on the rocks and that has taken the chair from under my feet and rocked my emotional stability. I really had to ask myself, without my successful career who am I? What do I bring to the table without money? What gifts do I bring to the table? What makes me worthwhile? Clearly all of these things have been subconsciously lingering inside of me for a long time. It felt as if I was having an early midlife crisis and really questioning my purpose here on this earth. I had to start from scratch and at my core of who I was and what I enjoyed.

 I revisited my childhood and reminisced about my happiest times. What was it that brought me pure joy? My whole life I have always wanted to sing but the Lord missed me with the vocals :). I also always loved reading and writing. That is the main reason why I created this blog to bring a little bit of happiness back into my life. I started reading books again and joining various book clubs to try to fill the empty void that I’ve been feeling from some time.

Slowly I started to feel like myself again. I was laughing more and relying less on outside factors to make me happy. Waking up in the morning I felt pure joy and happiness to begin my day. Adding in workouts and healthy eating helped boost my mood and the results I received gave me something to look forward to.

Self acceptance and loving yourself is a life long process that takes patience and effort. I can say that throughout my entire life I have struggled on and off with low self esteem that came to a head this year. Meditation is something that has helped tremendously with my confidence. I personally cannot sit and meditate during the day; I have found that sleep meditation works best for me.

This meditation is the one I used 3 times a week to help curb my anxiety:

This may sound extremely corny but I had a Disney princess moment and realized that everything I wanted to be I already am. I have all the tools I need to become the woman I want to be. Sometimes we have to go through extremely dark times to come back on top and become the best version of ourselves. I don’t believe the universe will ever put anything into our hearts that we cannot accomplish.

My best advice to anyone feeling less than themselves is to not run from those negative emotions. Feel them and dig deep so you can understand where they are coming from so you can heal. If you are having difficulty dealing with those emotions alone do not be afraid to talk to someone. I can’t say that everyday I feel 100% but I can say everyday I feel better than I did the day before and that is all I can ask for.

My mantra is: “I am beautiful. I am smart. I can do anything I set my mind to. I am a skinny legend. :)”